As I sit to write this post (Tuesday, Nov 19th, 2024), Pluto just re-entered Aquarius and will be there for 19 years. To be crystal clear, I do not speak astrology but am writing to explore the profundity of this time. The last time Pluto was in Aquarius was during the French and American Revolutions. Much talk about moving beyond rules and fear-based thinking (when Pluto was in Capricorn) to an era of revolutionary ideas and futuristic thinking born of heart-centered and empowering ideals. Personally, I have increasingly felt a sense of liberation from old ideas and ways of being. These days in particular, I find myself more expressive and more honest across different arenas of my life. I used to think I was too much and would do certain things to contain my energy so I didn’t rub people the wrong way. With deeper awareness and greater courage I suppose, I realize I was merely (unconsciously) writing a narrative about how people perceived me based on how I have internalized experiences in my life. I used to think everyone was judging me or had an opinion about me. It’s a form of narcissism born of pain and it feels wonderful to be liberated from it more and more.
As infants, we internalize our parents’/caregivers’ experiences and demeanor towards us. If, for example, we receive insufficient nurturing, we might internalize the experience as us being deficient in some way. As an infant, because we are so dependent on our caregivers, our brains don’t actually register neglect or abuse as something being wrong or deficient in our caregivers because our survival depends on it, literally. We cannot afford to make our caregivers wrong. And then, as we get older, all the narratives we have internalized about our deficiencies start to stick plus all the thwarted needs and desires start to constellate into a forcefield that often gets played out in relationships as we grow up. The more intense a relationship feels, the more likely a gravitational forcefield is in play. Someone we are drawn to can create a feeling of safety for us to experience our needs. But, because these original needs may have been unmet or thwarted from a young age, they are now strong and intense. The gravitational forcefield is usually not a one-way street. It’s often a perfect lock-and-key function. As an example, someone who has a deep need for someone to ‘save’ them will be drawn to someone who has a need to be the savior. It’s a perfect match. Sparks fly. Incredible highs. Until it all comes crashing down (usually). I am reminded of the lyrics from Sweet Dreams (are Made of These) by Eurythmics:
“Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
I travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody’s looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to be used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused…”
And it can be incredibly painful to accept that the person, on whom we have placed our needs, cannot actually meet them. It takes growth and maturity to realize that is not any one person’s job to meet our needs. It’s about grieving the loss of our unmet needs, letting the longing burn and not place that expectation on someone to meet the gravitational forcefield of needs. When we can do that, we have increased bandwidth to accept people for who they are, what they provide. For me, the best relationships are ones in which I feel free to be myself and supported as I go through my process of self-discovery. That is what is important to me and I am drawn to and feel nourished by the company of people who support that in me.
Getting back to the times we seem to be entering, there seems to be a promise that if we sincerely do our inner work and tap into our waters of depth and expression, we can become pioneers of a whole new way of living that prioritizes heart-centered living, service and humanity. What I think it is inviting us to do is to heal our inner landscape, as inner is outer.
“The quality of all of our relationships is a direct function of our relationship to ourselves.” (James Hollis)
To reclaim our true power and to create what it is we genuinely desire at a deep level, we probably need to cleanse the layers of division and grievance which sit above our deeper waters, stemming all the way back to the residual imprint of survivalist thinking that the people around us are the way they are because something is deficient in us in some way. How liberating it can be to actually see clearly the generationally-rooted deficiencies in our often well-meaning caregivers is not related to our inherent worth or lovability. I believe those of us who courageously embark on the journey to liberate our parents/caregivers and everyone else from our expectations are in for a real treat. To know oneself after enduring the loss of something primal leaves one with a deep sense of power and presence. The feeling I am fine the way I am, inherently worthy and loveable no matter how people act/react to me. That’s real power. And from that place of real power, and maybe guided by current astrological times, we may actually be propelled towards using that power we arrive at within ourselves to share what’s deep in our hearts that may uplift, inspire and spread some good will.
As I re-read this post, I am anticipating the question “Does Seema believe in love?” Yes, I do. But I don’t feel love – the love I long to feel at least – causes me intense highs and lows. Been there, done that. In retrospect, it wasn’t love. For me, love is a comfort and ground of being where I can feel safe and be myself fully; a sweetness of emotion which emanates from a tenderized heart. A feeling of being at peace and on fire at the same time. A grounded high. The heart feels softer, yet strong and there is a desire to radiate goodness. And in the company of people, it can be a beautiful exchange of ideas and experiences with freedom to be me and affording others the same freedom, to be themselves.
If what you've read resonates and you would like to explore the prospect of working together, please send me a message and we can schedule an introductory call.
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