As I write this post, Diwali is just around the corner, a festival which celebrates the victory of light over darkness. This reminded me of a book I grew up with called Journey of the Soul, a children’s book which brought to life for me how we are all souls that come from an Ocean of Light and Love. It feels like I knew that very deeply when I was young. I remember staring at one of the souls shaped like a teardrop in the book, saying, ‘That is me’.
And then a period of ‘forgetting’ took place once I became a tweenager, around 9 or 10, all the way up till my late 30s/early 40s, it seemed. I have read that our prefrontal cortex or thinking brain develops at around 7. Before that, we are just hypnotic sponges who feel our nature and absorb everything in our environment. When our thinking brain develops, we start to make sense of all the inner and outer information we receive and our personality gets formed. (Therefore, 2 people who grow up in identical environments can have very different experiences given the differences of their core nature.)
And this is where it gets interesting for me, to retrofit my personality to how it developed in response to my environment, something I carried through from my adolescence to midlife. Some of the themes for my life were to be obedient and to excel, to be self-sufficient and independent, to be reliable and dependable, to be mature and understanding. I would describe Young Seema (teen to 20s) as someone who was hyper-independent, liked structure and control, knew how to deliver on expectations, had a hard edge. She knew how to get things done and worked very, very hard to get there. Seema in her 30s was completely overwhelmed when she became a mother and all the uncertainty it brought. She was a mother, but not maternal. Her family loved and supported her, but it was a very difficult and turbulent time. Seema in her 40s could no longer keep it together, even though things were starting to fray by the late 30s. And that’s when it felt like the soul, silenced for many years (over time since maybe age 7/8) started to make its presence felt. No longer did Seema in her 40s have any energy left to resist and cover up unwelcome thoughts and feelings and power through them, she started developing many mysterious symptoms and ailments which completely baffled medical doctors. All she could do during that trying period in her mid-40s was to follow the faint guidance she felt from within to do the next right thing in her healing journey. Maybe it is that presence within that kicked off the healing crisis in the first place?
Looking back, the main aspects of healing happened on many levels. At the physical level, I was guided (from within) to many practitioners and healing resources which helped stabilize my body somewhat. At the height of my illness in 2015, my body was in triage mode. I could no longer assert any control and manage that way anymore. I had to defer more to an internal guidance system. I listened. It seemed to help. Often, I complained how miserable I was and how long healing was taking. I felt sorry for myself. I remember visiting a very kind naturopath whose words stayed with me:
“You are here to understand deeply you are not your physical body, you are energy. You are going to expand to the next iteration of yourself (not go back to where you were). You will heal…do everything you can to love your body fiercely, lovingly right now not because you have to, but because you can. It’s not about comparing you to others…you are creating this to understand deep self-love that is so powerful that you will leave any level of survival and victimhood and move to levels of thriving. Loving yourself is the healing for everything. Do this work because you have given yourself the necessity to do it. Where you are is putting you in the very crux of the most important tool in every experience of life. As you love yourself now because you get to not because you have to, everything gets easier and easier because you would have mastered deeper levels of your self-love.
I know you are not comfortable and you are doing good work…watch the ego and the mind wanting you to get out of where you are. You cannot get to where you want to be by trying to get out of where you are. Be present with the essence of love with where you are and as you heal, you will continue to be more and more loving with where you are. Not easy in the moment, but you are doing great work.”
Coming out on the other end of this health crisis was just the beginning of returning to soul. Once my body was more stable, I was able to become aware of psychic disturbances which also affected me. Specifically, the script I played out was being drawn to certain women in my life and wanting to be nurtured and cared for. Some may call it a mother wound. I am going to call it an insatiable desire to be nourished. The deep inner work does not stop at being able to identify the source of the wound which can be helpful, but not sufficient. This is where the Eidetics work can be so powerful, allowing core wounds to heal and a healing elixir to flow.
The work that I have done on myself seems to be able to provide comfort and support to those who are navigating the second half of their lives seeking meaning and purpose, sensing that there is a part within them that is trying to make its presence known - call it soul, nature, essence. I have been careful not to project my inner experiences of healing on people who look to work with me. I just trust that anyone who resonates with my energy will get what they need in our work together. I do notice that clients do appear calmer, steadier and more able to allow more of their lives to open. It is very moving for me to see someone whose energy changes as they touch aspects of their nature in our work together. They often appear more youthful, more vibrant. Beautiful!
Holding the possibility of A Return to Soul, from survival to thriving.
Happy Diwali!
Commentaires