In the last year or so, the topic of the Divine Feminine kept coming up in my life. I learned about feminine archetypes (I associated with being a wise woman and warrior.), about awakening female energy, meditations, retreats, etc. But, it was only recently that I began to understand this at a much deeper level.
I am a woman and many would say, I look pretty feminine now. Yet, I have never nurtured my femininity. I was a tomboy growing up and remember getting my first stuffed animal when I was 16 years old (I grew up playing Legos and ‘boy-toys’), given to me by a close friend who could sense my softness even though I was very male in many regards. I even looked like a boy until my senior year in college!
I am a thinker and oftentimes an overthinker. I am very cerebral and very take charge. So, with all this talk about cultivating my divine feminine, I started actively cultivating it, or so I thought. I started hanging out with women and wearing more feminine clothes. Yet, I did not feel like myself and the company of women intimidated me. I was much more comfortable with men because they seemed easier to understand, to me.
I started taking Zumba and ballroom dance classes because my body truly loves the movement of dance. And I thought that was the way to my Divine Feminine, but it really wasn’t. Dance and zumba have definitely ignited my feminine essence and awakened my sensuality as a woman. More importantly, I think, those movements just gave me joy. It was the first step I had taken to tap into the needs and energy of my female body.
Then, I thought the Divine Feminine was about being soft so I became ‘softer’ in my dealings with people and have realized that men can be soft and that softness doesn’t necessarily tap you into Divine Feminine.
I was approaching my pursuit of the Divine Feminine in a decidedly cerebral, take charge way. But the real lesson is surrender and letting go. It is the longing and yearning in our hearts for love that humbles us. I was very used to being the one to love, but not from a well filled with love. I took responsibility to love others (for me, pretty masculine) and did not open myself up to yearn for and receive love from the Divine realm. I did not even know what longing and yearning for Divine love was and the words ‘longing’ and ‘yearning’ conjured up weakness in my mind, but I now am beginning to realize that it’s the way we become nurtured in the way that’s beyond what words can do justice to. And it has opened my heart in a way it never was. I see the benefits of that trickle to my family life, work, peace of mind, etc.
In allowing our heart to be filled with love through the yearning and longing in our hearts, we begin to truly soften and allow our hearts (and not our heads) to guide us, at least once in a while.
So now, I go back to wearing jeans and pants, sport my short hair, hang out with men and women without trying to figure them out – but mostly I am a seeker, enjoying a lot of time alone/quiet time to learn, think, reflect and explore. Embracing the Divine Feminine has helped me embrace myself more and more in the truest sense…and it’s not about acting or feeling more feminine which may help some, but for me, it’s the softness and openness in the heart that has made the difference.
Oh, and I actually feel more stable, centered and strong now than when I was just relying on my cerebral, masculine side. It’s no wonder they call it ‘Mother Earth’ – strong, stable and extremely nurturing.
I have just begun this journey…will let you know how it goes. But it sure does feel nice.